I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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