I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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