just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
