Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
