i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize