Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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