First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
