I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize