im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
