Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
