I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
