I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
someone owes me an orgasm
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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