she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
