who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Randomize