Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
