Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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