tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
