so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
