Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
