You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
