if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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