his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
