I'm going to jail i love you
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize