I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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