im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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