she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
