Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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