YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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