You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
