Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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