i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
