I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize