you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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