Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
