OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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