sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
