So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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