Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
