Rock
Scissors
Fuck
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize