I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
