two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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