i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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