yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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