Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
