Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
