You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
