I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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