I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
