just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Pooping to opera.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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