my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
