She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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