she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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