I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
