Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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