he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize