my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
