no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dignity is for republicans.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
