Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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