Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
