remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
