I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize