sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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