Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize