i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
