We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
