put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
