is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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