Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize