9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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