If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize