she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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