I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
