I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
