He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize