if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize