he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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