I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
