i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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