You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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